I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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