i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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