pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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