Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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