Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
