The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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