i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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