My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
