ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
