The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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