you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
