I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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