i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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