We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
