Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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