we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
