No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
