He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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