this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
