she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
