Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so let's talk penis.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
