I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
