Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
