my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
