U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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