Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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