why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
