How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
