Michael Bay diarrhea
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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