They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
