dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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