I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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