I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
