the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
