I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
