I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
