Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
