DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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