Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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