wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
