My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
