Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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