he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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