I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
