oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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