So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
