This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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