I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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