I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
