the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
