I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
