I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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