drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
