You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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