shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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