he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
