I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
