How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
