She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
