Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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