Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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