my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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