I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
