i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am midnight drunk by noon
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
