just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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