wat bout pragnant strippers??
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sober January is a disaster.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
