Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
