Porn is love you can see.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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