I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
