so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
