can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
