shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
