I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
