have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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