I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Barsexuality is the new black.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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