Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
