I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
