Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
