i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
