I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He better not be in your backpack
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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