oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I came so hard my ears popped.
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